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I am a boy, i have this friend, that is also a boy

FYI I am a boy, i have this friend, that is also a boy, he is very beautiful , girly beautiful. i dont know but the first time i saw him i fell in love for real i am not gay but he really looks like a beautiful girl. i always wanted his attention so i go crazy everytime because i like it, i would do something to him like maybe tease him or joke about him then he would chase me or twist my skin [fun way not aggresive way] and i like it so i kept asking for his attention. since i met him, at night i will think of him, when i am out i will think about him, when i wake up i will think about him. then one day he was down walking alone on the grass , so i followed him and he told me nobody trusted or belive in him, because he looks like a girl and he told me about his sad past. i was there for him] . then he said i am normal after all but i like being crazy. since that i like him even more and think of him even more. he became more nice to me. that was last year. this year he and his best friend broke up and i was also there for him. i thought of him the whole summer and cant wait to go back to school so i could see him again, i always saved a seat for him on the school bus.my seat at class is behind him. we sat together for 1 year on the bus, some peoples call us gay but we dont care. we became very close for straight 1 year, we hangout together at recess. he would mini-abuse me when i tease him and my body have scars but i just cant seem to be angry .i told him my secrets. but one day i saw him talking with someone, he told him my secret just to impress his friend and keep the convo going. i forget and forgived him. the next time i saw him talking behind my back again, i forgived him again and told him to stop. and stll continue our friendship; and one more he was talking behind me back, my secrets]. i cried silently and felt very betrayed. he saw me and felt guilty i was seating behind him] but at the end i forgived him again. we continued our close friendship like before. then i realise something. he has a negative thinking of me like i would do bad things and i have a bad personality. and say i am ugly. i guess its true because i kinda am. although i was insulted i still dont care what he thinks of me. we would sometimes come early together to the school library. One time, his ex best friend was acting sad and ran out, he was like" lets find him". then another time, i was hiding under the table to see if he cares about me , so his ex best friend said julian ran out because he is sad, my friend just kept quiet like he doesnt care. i was hurt, but i make a fake smile and a fake laugh . and we continued, until today ,he was ignoring me. i was seating behind him and calling him and he keep ignoring me. i wanted to joke with him but he dint even want to look at me. but i dint gave up i still follow him around although i know i dont exist to him. until the bus, he dint even want to seat with me, he sat with another girl. we dint sat together for 3 days after 1 year. although i try to forget him i just cant. i sat behind him i dont talk much and not very social so makes it look like i need him . i cant forget him because he was my only friend that i can talk to at middle school.
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Ditulis oleh: nissa sekar - Saturday, August 24, 2013

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