Powered by Blogger.

I am 20 (female) and I am deeply depressed

I am 20 (female) and I am deeply depressed, and I am dealing with a toxic family (mainly five older siblings). My whole life they have made me feel like I was worthless, and beneath them. They have called me gay, and made me believe that I wasn't nothing. The moment they sense that I feel good about myself, they extremely mad and start cursing me out. I respect their judgments so much that I believe everything they say about me. Anything they ask of me I do it, with no problem because I am afraid of hurting them for some reason. They embarrass me in front of everyone and talks to me so badly in front of everyone and I never feel I can defend myself. They make me seem like a bad person and make me feel like I deserve to feel like this. I consider myself a people pleaser, kind, and shy... I'm not saying that I am perfect because I've done things that I am not proud of, but never have I hurt anyone in my life.

My whole family has had this cycle of control and manipulation, and it made it so worse for me because I lived with these assholes, all my life basically. My brother told me that no man would ever love me, and that I will never have a life. I have no friends, no love life or nothing. My brother tells me all the time that he cannot imagine anyone taking me serious. I'm not fat or ugly... I have a nice body, people tell me that I am beautiful all the time. However, I am afraid to feel like I am .

My nephews and nieces are so disrespectful and they say all kinds of hurtful things like. "That's why you don't have a boyfriend"... "you are a bum and have nothing". and I can't discipline them or else my brother or sister will curse me out. My mom and stepdad steps in sometimes, but for the most part they are so involved with my siblings/cousins side.

I'm panning to move to Boston in about 2 or 3 months, after I save up all of my paychecks from my job (cleaning). I plan to cut off contact, in which I know they are going to blame me and make me feel like the one in the wrong, and try to pull me back in with guilt?
Anda baru saja membaca artikel yang berkategori dengan judul I am 20 (female) and I am deeply depressed. Anda bisa bookmark halaman ini dengan URL http://gay--jakarta.blogspot.com/2013/08/i-am-20-female-and-i-am-deeply-depressed.html. Terima kasih!
Ditulis oleh: nissa sekar - Monday, August 26, 2013

Belum ada komentar untuk "I am 20 (female) and I am deeply depressed"

Post a Comment